'Thanks Stephanie, you're the breast... I mean best!'

Me: This week I have been mostly re-igniting my love for old Beatles b-sides, have my head fucking mindblown, analyse what time of the day is best to watch Commando, ponder why I never took a day off like Ferris Bueller and see that music in the 21st century has peaked to a whole new level. If T-Pain was white, that's probably how he'd use autotune. On a music related note, the new Coalesce record is just incredible. You can check it out here.

Joke of the week goes to a Radio 2 listener who hated Lady Gaga's new single so much and suggested she should be renamed 'Lady gag her'. Outstanding.

So when you think about it, a promo is a lot like writing an essay, right? You open up with an eye catching statement that could be totally irrelevant, but reels in your audience, which is the key part. Then raise your main argument and back it up with a few points, e.g why you'll win the cage match at Summerslam or how you'll carry out your revenge for that time you got beat in a rap battle. Then restate your main point, tie it back to your opening statement, throw a catchphrase or two in there and you've generally got a pretty solid format to go with.

You can pick any promo really, but Chris Jericho's return to the WWE in 2007 is an example of how it works. The return or debut of a superstar is always an eye catcher in itself (this came off the back of a 10 week viral marketing campaign similar to his 1999 WWE debut), never mind the opening statement, but it's still obviously there.

I still wonder as to why he was so criminally underused at WCW; the wrestling ability was there, the gimmick of a complaining crybaby was right, and above all he was talented with his promo work. Along with the NWO stuff he was probably the most entertaining wrestler that they had. But he moved on and make the best move in his career before WCW died.

The thing that's always struck me since watching Jericho is how unique he is with the gimmicks for him as heel/babyface (whilst his face return wasn't anything worthy of note, it still pulled along and did the job until they turned it around for the better) characters. He can just pick up an audience with the palm of his hand and do whatever the hell he wants. I know people have been critical of his current heel persona and how he's just been using the same 5 or 6 words over and over, but the content is always changing and if he's drawing heat like is right now, then something is obviously right and people are just not listening.



First things first, Dean Malenko was SO BORING with his 'man of 1000 holds' persona. Seriously, so so so so dull it was unbelievable. I'm glad they turned it all into a relatively long feud, it really brought out Jericho's character and got him where he is.

Unlike many superstars who have the ability to cut and deliver, he's one out a very small minority that can make it feel astonishingly natural, delivering every word with a stunning sense of conviction and urgency that's proved to be entertaining time after time. He's exciting, entertaining, cocky, sharp and above all else, FUNNY; if I were him (bare in mind the amount of creative control he clearly has) I'd probably laugh again and again at the stuff he pulled off.

So, Chris Jericho, currently the best mic worker in WWE. Period. I'd write more but my head would probably explode. Thanks.

'I would rather hurt a man than love a woman'

I've kind of realised this thing has had nothing worthy of note, to myself, or to my main readers based in Tasmania, Swaziland and most importantly Madagascar. Just so you know though, this week has mostly consisted of handing in shit portfolio work, listening to Kirsten Dunst on repeat and sticking my knob in a blamange.

I'm just going to use this to talk about wrestling. Predominantly promos but there's always room to open up. I won't lie to you, I've always enjoyed it, even now at 21 it's entertaining to watch a couple of men acting 'real tuff' whilst Jim Ross reaches the point of orgasm, but I believe a promo can be there for anyone to enjoy. Hang around, wait on me. All you need is a sense of humour and you can disregard the wrestling elements almost entirely.

I'll say this now. The greatest wrestler on the mic was The Rock. Or Dwayne Johnson as he likes to actually be called nowadays, what with a 'credible' acting career and having such a fun time on Hannah Montanna and Corey In The House. You go, Rocky. You fucking go.

He (along with Steve Austin) was the box office attraction of the Attitude era. Every time the guy was in front of a microphone you couldn't ask for a more charismatic man to run off his mouth, face or heel. It doesn't matter what you think! He could work the crowd and within a second they'd feel the connection between themselves and the jabroni beating, pie eating, trail blazing, eye brow raising, the best in the present, future and past, and if ya'll don't like me you can kiss the people's ass!

It's hard to think of anyone in the future who'll be able to walk into the ring with as much panache as him. To put it short, nobody in the history of the business has such a natural ability to deliver line after line, laugh after laugh, eyebrow after eyebrow. It's just a shame he called quits so early. Now for the PR0M0 OF T£H W33K.


The Rock insults the people of Toronto. This is The Rock's best heel promo. It's been common for awhile now for heel's to cut really really fucking solid promos with a Canadian audience ever since the infamous Montreal Screwjob, and this here is no exception. Moment after moment, time after time he just goes out there and has a good 10 minute long tirade. Brash, arrogant, egotistical and just naturally funny. It's a perfect representation of what a heel character should be all about, not just a limited ring skillset of punts to the skull.

So, watch and enjoy whilst I write another small failure in the process. I've also just realise from the above photo how much he can look like Kima Greggs from The Wire. There's another point, just watch that and abandon every other television show you've had an interest in, cause it just won't be as good.

I'm crabby, but I'll refrain from letting things slide.

However, this brought a smile for 5 minutes. It really is inspiring how one thing can bring people together, whether you love/loathe it. A 2018/2022 bid really excites me . I'll put besides anything else I have to say about the sport now, I hate losing so much.

Un soir, j'ai assis la Beauté sur mes genoux. - Et je l'ai trouvée amère. - Et je l'ai injuriée.

The good old days are gone now. That's why they're good, because they're gone.

Loudon Wainwright III